


The Bad... Limericks

by dairesfanficrefuge_archivist



Category: Highlander: The Series
Genre: Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-12-31
Updated: 2004-12-31
Packaged: 2018-12-18 07:25:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11869428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dairesfanficrefuge_archivist/pseuds/dairesfanficrefuge_archivist
Summary: Note from Daire, the archivist: this story was originally archived atDaire's Fanfic Refuge. Deciding to give the stories a more long-term home, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address onDaire's Fanfic Refuge's collection profile.





	The Bad... Limericks

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Daire, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Daire's Fanfic Refuge](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Daire%27s_Fanfic_Refuge). Deciding to give the stories a more long-term home, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Daire's Fanfic Refuge's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/dairesfanficrefuge/profile).

The Bad... Limericks

**The Bad... Limericks**

_**The villains we love to hate.....or is it hate to love?  
No matter...the meaner they are, the more we love 'em!**_

  
**_Ahriman_**

Though you have more than one name   
Your purpose is always the same   
By any means vile,   
The good you'll defile   
But Mac put a crimp in your Game! 

  
**_Andrew Ballin_**

Anne Wheeler adored you, you cur!   
Yet you squeezed the life out of her   
Your cover-effective   
A cop-Chief Detective   
Pity you didn't trans _fer_ ! 

  
**_Bartholomew_**

No link that we fans could construe-   
To Mac and the rest of the crew   
You sped like a rocket   
To line your own pocket   
But Katherine made mincemeat of you! 

  
**_Zachary Blaine_**

Amanda played you for a chump   
Did you really believe she would dump-   
Mac's head in your _lap?_   
You arrogant sap!   
Now she's beheading you...Thump! 

  
**_Caleb_**

Joshua, Eddie and you   
A loathsome and hard-hearted crew   
You killed Carl the Hermit   
Thought Tess would long-term it   
Your downfall was long overdue! 

  
**_Canaan_**

Exploiting the poor and the weak   
Bully types aren't unique   
Outwardly bold   
When challenged, they fold   
And slink off, exceedingly meek! 

  
**_Caspian_**

Of Horsemen, 'twas _you_ that was fated   
The _first_ to be decapitated   
Thinking Mac tasty   
Your attack was too hasty   
Your skill was (at best) overrated! 

  
**_Haresh Clay_**

In that grassy field long ago   
No mercy to Ashe did you show   
Then you shamed MacLeod!   
Scot warrior so proud!   
He never forgot, don'tcha know? 

  
**_Otavio Consone_**

What you cannot have, you destroy   
A woman's crushed heart, you enjoy   
Your manner, highbrowed   
Won't frighten MacLeod   
Regardless what skills you employ! 

  
**_Andrew Cord_**

You of the arrogant attitude   
Insisting on Joe Dawson's gratitude   
When your sharp knife-   
Took Charlie's life   
Mac cut off your northernmost latitude! 

  
**_Sheriff Howard Crowley_**

An oath as a sheriff you swore   
You couldn't have flouted it more   
You struck Lucas dead   
'Blame Leo!' you said   
Now rot there, behind the backdoor! 

  
**_Colonel William Everett Culbraith_**

In Andersonville you were chilled-   
By the news that your family was killed   
Their deaths left a space   
Hate entered that place   
Found evil, and festered, fulfilled! 

  
**_Major Ernst Daimler_**

Appearance-severe and Teutonic   
A heart like the black plague (bubonic)   
When Anne, you attacked-   
You forced Mac to act-   
To end your existence demonic! 

  
**_Morgan D'Estaing_**

Pardon me, if I decline-   
Your generous offer of wine   
For when the Inspector-   
Sipped of your nectar   
His health took a marked decline! 

  
**_Drakov/Arthur Drake_**

Mortals have many fine uses   
For wealth and for power abuses   
As victims, they're swell,   
(Ask Eli Jarmel)   
To kill you, Mac needs no excuses! 

  
**_John Durgan/Armand Thorne_**

Once beaver pelts you collected   
Now you are wealthy, respected   
Your assets have swollen   
All of them stolen   
And Lauren died 'cause she suspected! 

  
**_Anthony Gallen_**

When Mac saw you run over Tommy   
He offered support to his Mommy   
In that very park   
Now deserted and dark   
Mac sliced your neck through like salami! 

  
**_Kristin Gilles_**

You're lovely! Of _that_ there's no doubt   
But ego is what you're about   
You flutter and hover-   
Over your lover   
Then murder him when he walks out! 

  
**_Grayson_**

When Darius (from fighting) withdrew   
Your bitter contempt for him grew   
His students-you chased them   
Stalked and erased them   
But Duncan proved better than you! 

  
**_Lisa Halle_**

Your sociopath mind thought it fun   
To be anything, any _one_   
Like Tess Horton made you   
Then he repaid you-   
By shooting you when you were done! 

  
**_Hamad_**

You pompous and greedy dictator!   
You miserable oath-violator!   
For envy and fear   
You murdered Nasir   
And made Mac a defenestrator!   
(Look it up ) 

  
**_James Horton_**

Time and again, you attack   
Your goal? To obliterate Mac   
Your renegade Watchers   
Are substandard botchers   
Face it, you don't have the knack! 

  
**_Martin Hyde_**

A 'seasoned Immortal,' you favor   
The Quickening has better flavor   
You spurned Duncan twice   
(Not enough spice?)   
Now your head, it's _his_ turn to savor! 

  
**_Johnny K._**

A clever disguise is your ruse   
Assassin's the life that you choose   
A punk from the start   
Tiny brain, smaller heart   
You're not fit to shine Duncan's shoes! 

  
**_Lucas Kagan_**

If you hadn't murdered Simone   
Mac would have left you alone   
From Tarsis you learned-   
Kind acts must be spurned   
But now-all your sins are your own! 

  
**_Kalas_**

A beautiful voice was your pride   
But rottenness festered inside   
When Mac had enough-   
He called your sick bluff   
And you and your disc were 'French-fried!' 

  
**_Peter Kanis_**

You've given all dogs a bad name   
When you made them part of The Game   
Their courage shines through   
They're courageous and true   
Can a bastard like _you_ make that claim? 

  
**_Roland Kantos_**

The foundling you wanted for grabbin'   
Was hidden in Cassandra's cabin   
When that boy matured-   
Your voice he abjured   
And stuffed his ears up 'gainst your gabbin'! 

  
**_Kanwulf_**

Odin, with fury did wax   
On hearing you misplaced his axe   
Duncan (bright lad)   
Buried it with his dad   
And now it is broken! How lax! 

  
**_Paul Karros_**

What's Immortality for?   
Peace is an unending bore   
Your only solution?   
A good revolution   
Gee, it's _fun_ going to war! 

  
**_Gerard Kragen_**

Women need fear you no more   
The Highlander settled the score   
Since you took the life-   
Of Alex Hill's wife   
Your odds of surviving were poor! 

  
**_Jack Kendall_**

Messing with Reagan? Not wise!   
She readily pierced your disguise   
She blew you to Hell   
But she 'died' as well-   
And couldn't collect her Grand Prize! 

  
**_Kenny_**

Baby-faced spawn of the devil   
In duping Immortals you revel   
They who protected you-   
Never suspected you   
Now they rest under ground level! 

  
**_Michael Kent_**

You murdered the love of Midori   
But she knew the ancestral story   
MacLeod owed a debt   
He wouldn't forget   
Insuring your end would be gory! 

  
**_Kern_**

Scalp-taker, killer-are you!   
Your punishment's long overdue   
One swipe of Mac's spear-   
And you'll disappear   
A final revenge for the Sioux! 

  
**_Simon Killian_**

Said Duncan-you should be committed!   
To a lonely cell you were remitted   
Hating Mac-you kidnapped him   
Joe knew where you'd trapped him   
Thanks to _him,_ you were out-witted 

  
**_Captain Terence Kincaid_**

A brutal taskmaster were you   
Hated by each of your crew   
They wanted you dead   
But Mac saved your head   
Now Kenny wants Mac's and _yours_ TOO! 

  
**_Tyler King_**

Behead anyone that you could   
Not sparing the meek or the good   
Your ravenous psyche-   
Even sought Mikey!   
But fighting Mac? Fool-hardihood! 

  
**_Paul Kinman_**

You called Mac a coward-absurd!   
To Queen Anne, he'd given his word   
'Close your eyes,' whispered Mac   
'Think of England,' then WHACK!   
Those were the last words you heard! 

  
**_Ivan Kristov_**

What's a poor Cossack to do?   
You riled not _one_ Immie but _TWO?_   
You turned Mac ballistic   
Snatched Richie, (sadistic)   
So Kris... 'Das vedanya!' to you!   
(That's Russian for 'good-bye') 

  
**_Kronos_**

Leader of your evil band   
Myriads destroyed by your hand   
Plotting and scheming   
Of world terror dreaming   
My! Your beheading was grand! 

  
**_Lyman Kurlow_**

You gleefully watched Duncan hang   
Remorse? You hadn't a pang   
A swordsmanship master-   
But human disaster   
Your death sure gave Mac a big bang! 

  
**_Christophe Kuyler_**

At miming, you were a first-rater   
As assassin, there was no one greater   
Your greatest affliction?   
An absinthe addiction-   
Helped Mac be your head amputator! 

  
**_Sid Lankovski/Simon Lang_**

'Don't call me _SID!_ ' is your cry   
' _Simon's_ the name I go by!'   
Simon or Sid   
For the vile thing you did   
Disgraced and exposed, you will die! 

  
**_Gavriel Larca_**

Proclaiming yourself to be G-d   
Of a nation or Immortal squad   
Your believers would follow   
Their new-found Apollo   
Till they saw you die...ain't that odd? 

  
**_Johnny Leong_**

Head of the Tong-how you boasted   
Tried to have Jimmy Sang roasted   
Mac didn't sweat-   
Your Russian roulette   
You ought to be ground and composted! 

  
**_Rita Luce_**

Wasn't it made very clear?   
Watchers must NOT interfere   
Yet Christian (your boy)   
Gives you such joy   
You don't give a damn, DO you, dear? 

  
**_Luther_**

The Crystals you yearned to unite-   
For absolute power and might   
You nearly succeeded   
Amanda's was needed   
But facing Mac wasn't too bright! 

  
**_Evil Duncan MacLeod_**

How could you turn so malicious?   
Our hero, once noble, now vicious   
Quickening darkly-   
Altered you starkly   
But incredibly, you were delicious! 

  
**_Devon Marek_**

For the grudge that has festered till now   
You'll kill the Highlander somehow   
With Margo as bait   
Assassins in wait   
You still screw it up! Goodbye! Chiao! 

  
**_Felicia Martins_**

You play other Immies for saps   
Baiting, then springing your traps   
Your sword skills are nil   
You're mentally ill   
Go back to forging your maps! 

  
**_Methos (Bronze Age)_**

As Horseman, you pillaged and raped   
Few of your victims escaped   
Complex and two-faced   
Once you were blue-faced   
How your persona's reshaped! 

  
**_Liam O'Rourke_**

The Highlander offered his head   
Rather than see his friends dead   
Methos said, 'No!'   
He plugged you and so...   
_You_ were made shorter instead! 

  
**_Agent Palance_**

As FBI agent-a dud!   
Your name in the Bureau is mud   
Amanda and Mac   
You shot in the back   
For counterfeit plates! What a crud! 

  
**_Gabriel Piton_**

When lovelies you dated inquired-   
How your treasure trove was acquired   
You put them to rest   
(Always looking their best)   
And a fresh younger one would be hired! 

  
**_Slan Quince_**

Sorry, for you we've no pity   
To Connor and Mac you were shitty   
No woman will sigh-   
For your type of guy   
A headless ass just isn't pretty! 

  
**_Walter Reinhardt_**

The night that you dove overboard-   
And carelessly left Mac your sword   
You wanted his head   
And so you played dead   
What a con trick on Rebecca Lord! 

  
**_The 'Scalper'_**

Each Marcus Korolus assault-   
You copied, with scarcely a fault   
Only blondes did you stalk   
Then pounced like a hawk   
Till Tess forced your scalping to halt! 

  
**_Silas_**

The love you gave monkeys was splendid   
To humans, it never extended   
With Methos, you bonded   
In turn, he responded   
By lopping off where your neck ended! 

  
**_Bryan Slade_**

To you, all is fair in your battle   
Take hostages-treat them like cattle   
But Mac's little crowd   
Refused to be cowed   
And Duncan's one you couldn't rattle! 

  
**_Xavier St. Cloud_**

As a villain, you really were dandy   
Like tasty, but poisonous candy   
You sure were a gasser   
But Duncan was faster   
And now-you are not quite as handy! 

  
**_Carlo Sendaro_**

Hoping Grace would be delighted   
You had her dear hubby ignited   
Your planning was poor   
And furthermore-   
Bugging Duncan was very shortsighted! 

  
**_Alexei Voshin_**

Sea Witch II was your present home base   
Named for your former disgrace   
Aided by thugs-   
You trafficked in drugs   
But Duncan made sure you 'lost face!' 

  
**_Morgan Walker_**

Your background-how very unsavory!   
Trading in women and slavery   
'Doc Adams,' you sought   
Joe's daughter, you caught   
But you didn't count on 'Doc's' bravery! 

  
**_Nicholas Ward_**

Why did you feel you must prey-   
On innocent victims that way?   
No trade did you ply   
But sucked people dry   
Bon appétit...now you pay! 

  
**_Axel Whittaker_**

When women no longer excite   
And they haven't learned how to fight   
As bait, they are swell   
Warns Mac: 'Not Michelle!   
Or your head will no longer sit right!' 

  
**_Alan Wilkinson_**

MacLeod couldn't idly stand by-   
And watch Ingrid blow you sky-high   
She labeled you 'vermin'   
Like that horrid German   
Pity, that SHE had to die! 

  
**_Pallin Wolf_**

You kidnap their women to snare-   
Immortals into your dark lair   
Making them fight   
In a room dark as night   
You're degenerate beyond compare! 

  
Next ... The Others... 

Peace, Emit   
© 2004 

Season 1 ~ Season 2 ~ Season 3   
Season 4 ~ Season 5 ~ Season 6   
The Good... ~ The Bad... ~ The Others...   
  
---


End file.
